How to show up for a friend that is grieving

I’m sorry that you/your friend/family/human is going through this. Grief is a universal experience, but not one that we’re trained to talk about (in the US, that is). I was watching the movie Coco with my partner right when it came out, and he reacted super strongly: “why didn’t we learn about death like this?”. My reaction was…. I did. There are some strong traditions in the SW US / Atzlán / México that guide my experience.

• If you’re close enough to know that they’re grieving, acknowledge it. Something as simple as “I’m sorry things are hard right now” is worth so much.
• In a social situation, ask about the person they’ve lost. So often, people don’t know what to say when a loved one dies, and so they say nothing, making the grieving person feel isolated and like they can’t say anything. So, ask.
• Listen to the stories. Share the love they had for this person back to them.
• Are you close enough to bring food? Then bring food.
• If you’re a close friend (emotionally and physically)- say things like
  1. I’m going to the grocery tomorrow. Send me a list and I’ll get yours while I get mine.
  2. Can I come over sometime this week and do your laundry?
  What we’re getting at here is more than the “let me know what I can do”- this puts the mental load and burden on your friend. Instead, give them yes/no options for things.
• Keep doing these things. Check in especially at 6 months, 9 months, and a year after the loss- there is often a lot of attention at first, and then it tapers off.